🛳️What to consider for a cruise?

Most people who have never gone on a sea cruise probably have very outdated or exaggerated ideas of going on a cruise, possible not knowing any of the following:

🤷🏻‍♂️ What's included?

All cruise fares should include:

• stateroom with bedding and private bathroom

• meals (buffet and main dining room)

• basic drinks (water, juice, coffee, tea)

• many "free" entertainment options

• opportunity to explore the destinations on your own

Everything else (such as internet access, alcoholic drinks and some excursions) might be included in a promotional package but are not a given!

🧭 Cruise lines

Several dozen cruise lines exist but the most common consist of:

• Carnival (the "Walmart" or "starter kit" of cruising)

  • typically party-oriented

  • "all-day nightclub on a ship" vibe

• Royal Caribbean (the "family restaurant" of cruising)

  • typically family-oriented

  • "floating waterpark and resort" vibe

• Norwegian Cruise Line (the "Burger King" of cruising)

  • typically tries to be all things to all people

  • do as much as you like or as little as you like

  • no need to dress up or drink if you don't want to

  • "community and recreation centre" vibe

• MSC (the "European hotel" of cruising)

  • tries to cater to European markets

  • announcements in many different languages

  • entertainment will try to use less spoken language and more body language

Many other lines exist and are likely also owned by the parent companies of the aforementioned, e.g. the most notable being:

• Celebrity (owned by Royal Caribbean Group)

  • an upper-middle-class experience for middle-aged and up

• Princess (owned by Carnival Corporation)

  • very much like Celebrity

  • famous for supplying that ship on that now-outdated cruise-centric show The Love Boat)

• Regent Seven Seas (owned by NCL Holdings)

  • luxury cruise that focuses on enrichment more than entertainment

• Virgin Voyages (owned by Virgin Group)

  • oriented towards the youthful and party types (more upscale than Carnival)

🎌 Cruise types

• Sea cruise

  • usually big ships but luxurious ones can be small

  • the ship can be the destination itself

  • more flexibility when it comes to dining and entertainment options

  • can stay anonymous on big ships (think of "the big city")

• River cruise

  • usually smaller (and older) ships than sea cruising

  • focuses on the ports-of-call rather than the ship

  • could have a mix of entertainment and enrichment

  • prepare to wear the "extrovert hat" with the small ship size

    • set dining times and programming also come with it

• Expedition cruise

  • usually to some exotic destination like Antarctica

  • focuses on the destination rather than the ship

  • go for the adventure and excitement, rather than comfort and relaxation

  • more on the enrichment rather than entertainment side

  • prepare also to wear the "extrovert hat" with the small ship size

🛂 Embarkation and disembarkation ports

• For most mainstream cruises, the embarkation (getting on) and disembarkation (getting off) ports will be the same

• Others will have a different ports for each

• Some cruises (called repositioning cruises) will sail across an entire ocean!

Embarkation port

• A check-in process happens before embarking the ship:

  • baggage assistance

  • baggage security (like on a plane)

  • identification check

  • cruise card (ID + key + credit card) sendoff

  • pre-boarding waiting room

🏨 Stateroom (cabin) classes

Classes go by different names depending on the cruise line but usually have the following basic types:

• "Suite" class = the "most luxurious" option

  • more than one room, including a full living room

  • bathtub in the bathroom

  • usually a balcony

  • some include a dedicated butler

• "Balcony" class = "upper middle class"

  • single room with a balcony

  • bathroom might have a bathtub but usually has a standing shower

  • other features: TV + fridge + safe + storage space

  • note: some balconies might have views facing the ship's atrium rather than the sea!

• "Oceanview" class = "lower middle class"

  • same as "Balcony" class except it has a window instead of balcony

  • you usually cannot open the window for safety concerns

• "Inside" class = "lowest class"

  • no balcony, no window, just the basics

  • yes, you will still get a private bathroom with standing shower, toilet and sink

• "Solo" class = "sigma single class"

  • usually an "Inside" class stateroom but can vary in the future

  • everything is smaller (bed, room size, TV) as it only needs to please one person (and maybe, unofficially, one more?)

🔱 Nautical lingo

Most cruises no longer go by these seafaring terms to avoid confusing the first-timers, but they're nice to know:

• port = left side of ship

• starboard = right side of ship

• bow/forward = front of ship

• stern/aft = back of ship

• bridge = where the captain and some crew steer the ship

• dry dock = when a ship is taken out of the water for servicing

• wake = the trail of waves that ship leaves behind

However, one would certainly need to know these:

• deck = floor / story (as in "deck 7")

• life boat = (everyone should know this)

• muster drill = the safety drill before sailaway

• tender boat = a small boat used to transport passengers from ship to shore

  • used when the ship is too large to enter the harbour

📖 Cruising lingo

Other "nice-to-know" words specific to cruising:

• atrium

  • the multi-story courtyard usually at the middle of the ship

• back-to-back

  • going on two or more cruises on a single vacation

• booze cruise

  • a cruise with a short itinerary intended just for drinking and partying

• code orange

  • early stages of a virus outbreak

• code red

  • widespread virus outbreak

• cruise to nowhere

  • a cruise with an itinerary without ports of call

    • "the ship is the destination!"

• cruisetour

  • a combination of a cruise and land vacation (usually a train or bus tour)

• drink package

  • a potentially overpriced deal for "open bar alcohol consumption"

  • some opt to pay "à la carte"

• gangway

  • the ramp that goes from the dock to the ship

• lido

  • (European) the pool or outdoor deck

• main dining room

  • usually a formal area that serves only dinner

  • comes with the cruise fare

  • cruisers may opt to (if allowed) to do specialty dining or eat at the buffet

• onboard credit

  • usually a reimbursement or a gift, money that can be spent onboard

• pier runner

  • someone who loses track of time and either:

    • barely makes it back to the ship on time, or

    • misses the ship altogether and has to figure things out

• port-of-call (plural: ports-of-call)

  • a stop on the cruise itinerary, usually a city or a beach

• promenade

  • an outdoor walkway at the side of the ship (sometimes used as a jogging track)

• quay

  • the exact location in a city (or port) where the ship will dock

• room steward

  • the person who tidies up the stateroom

• sailaway

  • when the ship ... sails away from its embarkation port

    • note: less commonly used with a port-of-call

  • usually, onlookers on land will wave to the ship and cruisers will try to wave back

• ship tour

  • an optional tour of the ship's facilities (including the crew area)

    • sometimes considered an "excursion" that incurs an additional fee

• single supplement

  • the premium that solo travellers have to pay

• specialty dining

  • a restaurant experience (for a fee) apart from the buffet or main dining room

• stateroom

  • the equivalent of the hotel room, aka "cabin"

• towel animal

  • room stewards will sometimes make animals out of towels to cheer you up

• turndown service

  • the tidying-up service that room stewards do every day

    • they may also leave chocolate, make towel animals, go to extra mile if they so wish

• veranda

  • another word for "private balcony"

• virtual balcony

  • a screen that (cheesily) tries to imitate a real balcony (yes, it's a thing)

• world cruise

  • for the real hardcore, a cruise that goes around the world

    • typically 3-4 months long, maybe even more

⚓️ Port days

On most cruises, port days are the most common:

• the ship docks at a city or some port away from the city

take note that some ships may dock a great distance away from the city listed on the itinerary

• times can vary but most ships dock in the early morning and sail away before dinner hours

• very rarely may a ship stay overnight at a port (when cruisers can enjoy the port city's nightlife)

🛳️ Sea days

On some cruises (such as repositioning cruises that sail across an ocean), sea days are more common; most cruises will have at least one sea day:

• the ship usually has a great distance to go between ports-of-call

• a great time to enjoy the ship and relax

• usually scheduled at the beginning (good for orientation of the ship) and at the end of an itinerary (good to wind-down and re-pack to disembark)

🚌 Excursions

Cruise lines will offer excursions ("day trips" or "activities") at ports-of-call:

• the most common are guided tours

• some will involve activities like jet-ski riding

Advantages of cruise-line-sponsored excursions

• usually structured with itinerary available online

• will take excursioners back to the ship on time

Disadvantages of cruise-line-sponsored excursions

• usually overpriced but might be the only option to experience the port-of-call

• limited in scope and usually rushed

• most of the excursion might involve long bus rides along boring highways

🍹 Drink packages

• As with many activities on a ship, drinking (alcohol) is completely optional

• Even more optional is the drink package that promises an "open bar" system

• Some drink packages will include a "premium" selection of drinks not found on the "regular" drink package

🍽️ Specialty dining

• Apart from the buffet and main dining room, options exist to enjoy a meal from a specific cuisine or level of formality

• Crowds are often less with a much more refined atmosphere

• Diners will incur an additional fee, or opt-in via a promotion

• Drink package usually applies to specialty dining

🎭 Entertainment

Can include:

• Theatrical performances such as Broadway-style plays, dance routines, concerts, comedies

• Set-time events such as bingo, TV game show-style games, "silent discos", contests, sports tournaments and so on

• Art auctions (for those into that kind of thing)

• Dance parties (led by a DJ or band)

• Casino

• Games rooms

• Sports and water park

• Library (yes, with books - they exist!)

🤬 Scams

Beware of the exploiters:

• Online scammers

  • they may ask you for your reservation number which should be guarded like a social security number

• Port scammers

  • some "local" will do a performance for you and then ask you to pay up, exploiting your guilt

    • variants include handing you a "souvenir" or "local treat"

  • selling kitschy "handmade" things not even made in the country

• Ship scammers

  • on big ships, beware at all times for people stealing cruise cards (most likely to exploit drink packages)

⚠️ Tips

• Always try to arrive at the embarkation port's city at least 24 hours before sail away (i.e. stay overnight)

  • especially when arriving by plane

• Always take a passport (just do it)

• Know the ship's time and when to get back on it

• Do some reading up on the ports-of-call, especially:

  • major attractions

  • local customs

  • crime rates

  • currencies accepted

  • languages spoken

  • documentation required (visas? e-visas?)

📒 Planning

Putting it altogether, the following things that one should consider when booking a cruise:

• Cruise line

• Embarkation and disembarkation ports

• Ports-of-call

• Stateroom type

• Excursions (cruise-sponsored, third-party or none?)

• Drink package (to buy or not to buy?)

• Specialty dining

• Documentation required

Take some time to learn about the following:

• Ports-of-call

• Cruise lingo

• Scams (online, on port, on ship)

• Ship's dining and entertainment options

Thanks to the Internet (especially YouTube), so much information is now available online for anyone to plan everything down to the finest detail!